Day 214: Love and Letdown, the Novel

I've thought a lot lately about breakups, time, social norms, my broken air conditioner, why love exists between two people and what causes it to end, and the upcoming election.  If I think on these things too heavily or for too long a duration, I get slightly depressed and must move on to eating Peeps or watching an English comedy from the 70's. I also've thought a lot about communities and what it means to be a part of one. Despite the fact I've been in Dallas for over a year now, I'm still more a part of my Denton community than anything else, and I've not found a Dallas one in the slightest. Other than at my house and the occasional visit to a coffee shop or pub, I don't hang out here. Whyyyyyy? There are interesting people lurking everywhere around these parts! Why can't I just meet some of them?

This is the eternal question. It's been especially dominant in my thoughts as of late.

I've come to the conclusion that it's the same reason why a serial killer would never bother pinning me as a victim. I don't have a habitual path. I'm never anywhere more than once a week, and I don't have a normal hang out. I don't have a regular gym, post office, grocery store, church, restaurant, or gas station schedule. You will never see me at a place around my neighborhood more than once a month. How would I meet anyone if I'm never anywhere?

The question now is, what do I do about it? Such a cosmic inquiry has been lingering there for months, and I've still done nothing. I'm guessing it's due to the fact I'm happy with the friends I do have (wherever they may be), and I'm so doggedly busy, I rarely have more than a few blinks a day to even be low about it.

So. I shrug, eat a cookie, go for a bike ride, and get on with life.

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In other slightly depressing news, I got a tip at work today about a huge bonus everyone was getting because of a grant that just came through. I was so ecstatic, as anyone would be. Debts paid off! Dent in car fixed! Cavities filled!

The mind reels when thinking of ways to spend money.

But shortly after this I checked my email and found I did not receive the message sent to all the recipients. I asked my supervisor, who reluctantly and sympathetically told me my department was not included in the grant.

My heart sunk. I'm disappointed in myself that I could let a material letdown wreak such havoc on my immediate happiness. Then the pities kicked in. Oh, those pities. They're ugly, smell funny, and no one should let them in the door.

"I work just as hard as those other poopy departments!"  (note: they are not poopy.)

"I can never get ahead..."

"I feel like Christmas was just taken away!"

"Whoa is me..."

But on the commute home, a handful of things occurred to me, despite my being buried in intense hmph-ness.

1. A rusty Honda next to me had a coat hanger as its antenna.

2. My parents, who happen to practically be Jesus in real life, are still alive.

3. A workplace exists that I enjoy being at. I possess a job that I enjoy doing.  And miracle! They pay me.

4. I own the most comfortable bed in the entire universe.

5. My friends are the most fiercely loyal individuals I've ever met, which is wretchedly undeserved on my part.

In saying that, who cares about the money. The hour I was mad about it is wasted, but at least I have the rest of my life to not worry about silly stuff that wasn't even "owed" to me anyway. I should be thankful for a roof, food, love, and any goodness I'm fortunate enough to have graced upon me.

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And to end on a happy note, I made something gargantuanly amazing tonight for dinner. I was thinking of using the pre-made Palak Paneer that I have (made by an Indian company, damn good stuff), but I was also thinking about the tofu that's been marinating for two days intended for the imaginary Miso soup I was supposed to be making. In a rush of hunger and inspiration, I got a fantastic idea.

Dump out the marinated tofu and fry it with green onions and olive oil! Use the remaining marinade and boil it with Israeli cous-cous! Once both are done, combine it with the Palak Paneer to make the most delectable concoction since Zeus himself invented the lightning bolt.....

And although I'm usually the only one who benefits from whatever I make when it's genius (*cough*, when it is), I hope someday it won't always be the case.

Cheesy ending over! Zap!

Day 210: Love, war, dancing, buffoonery.

On Friday, I was in a wedding. It was beautiful, happy, and just as they both wanted it. I'm pretty sure I behaved well enough to go unnoticed, which was mainly my goal. Only a few people heard me and chuckled when they announced "single men! come up for the garter toss!" and I yelled "there are none!". That was my one rebellious moment.

Afterward, I decided to, instead of driving back to Dallas, go to a School of Seven Bells show at Hailey's, where it was reconfirmed: White intellectuals don't dance. I've come across this again and again and view it as the bane of many good shows. This time around, due to my severely unquenched need to rebel, I danced without reservations. Kristen was kind enough to be my partner in crime. I'm sure many strange looks were thrown and plenty of judgmental vibes were sent, but I had a grand time; snobs be damned. I don't understand why people in this vane of culture are afraid to dance. I know at least 85 percent of them wanted to but thought they'd look stupid or unrefined and thus were scared. I'm sure I looked both, but does it really matter? I think the joy of having an uninhibitingly fantastic time is more satisfying than not looking ridiculous. The price is well worth it, like paying pennies for a gold-plated Ipod. 

That being said, next time you go to a quality show and everyone is acceptably bobbing their heads, maybe tapping their foot or tamely swaying, and you really instead want to FEEL the music and dance around, please do!!! If I am there, I will dance with you. White dignity is not as good as a serious dancing fest. 

Day 202: Dry wells

It has become grossly apparent as of late that I am currently unable to cry. There have been several key moments warranting a good sob-fest, but the only thing welling up was my disappointment in the lack of tears. Approximately, it's been early June since the last weep session.

As I drove home from the bachelorette party tonight, at which we had a lovely time, I wanted nothing more than some fat, hot raindrops to stream down my cheeks, but nothing! I just longingly stared at the road and sighed. Dry eyes. Empty heart. As I said, the party was a success and it was a nice time, so I'm not sad or upset, I think I'm just emotionally constricted and am bothered by it. Maybe my spirit is malnourished or thirsty? Regardless of why, something has got to change. I'm ready.

Day 201: Flowers in the windows.

So, I've started buying flowers to put in various make-shift vases around the house. It really helps brighten the moral in this place. However, they wilted yesterday when my air conditioner broke and the house decided to douse itself in 95-degree splendor while I was away at work. My arrival to said sauna at 8 pm that evening induced a panic similar to a high-end restaurant chef encountering a minor stove fire. I was able to reduce the temperature down to 85 and went to bed shortly after (the heat amplified my exhaustion). Due to the uncomfortable temperature and the quick imbibing of a Red Bull on my drive home, I experienced a sticky, paranoia-laced slumber and had strange, psychadelic dreams involving my parents with neon hair visiting my apartment, which was painted a swirly purple/red color. They were appalled at the living conditions I had succumbed to, which in the dream were exaggerated and also included, in addition to the broken air conditioner, all the windows missing, nails sticking out of the floor, and a vicious raccoon living under my kitchen sink. The paint was melting off the walls and poisoning us slowly by entering our bodies through the bottoms of our bare feet, which had daisies between the toes.

It all came full circle. Flowers --> pscychotic meltdown --> flowers.

A good chunk of my friends went to Austin this weekend, and I was supposed to go as well, but I have a lingerie shower (I'm in a wedding next weekend) and too much schoolwork to finish, so I was forced to remain behind. This was a major bummer-causer today, and it was amplified by the fact I still haven't started training for the half marathon, thus making my belly poofy and my legs feel like they belong on a human version of Gumby rather than me. My house still is hot, but it's now at 80 rather than 90, so I'm marginally content with that for the time being. It's supposed to be fixed officially before Monday, and I'm praying I can start being a little mean to my cheapo-leapo landlord and lay on the pressure. I'm awful at anything related to forceful convincing, which means I'd also make a wretched lawyer or salesperson, but I am at peace about this. You don't have to be pushy or overly persuasive to help people, thank God, so there will always be a job somewhere for me....

But maybe not fully functioning air conditioning. We'll see.


p.s. the title of this post is a cheesy Travis song that I actually really like.

p.p.s. I'm not a flower person in general, but I like the weird, extra happy-looking varieties. My favorite is the fuji spider mum:

Day 195: Cute but psycho. Things even out.

What a month September has been. I'm now waist-deep in the lake of school, and before I blink again it'll probably be Christmas, which means Christmas card construction must begin soon. I love my new place (I found a sunny upstairs apartment with more space and personality a handful of blocks north of where I was before).

I've no incredible news to report, but I've arrived at some good places. First of all, for the month of September I decided to boycott restaurants/bars and force my friends to hang out with me in alternate places, and the results have been very positive. You don't have to give your money to a food/drink establishment to have quality hang-out time, and this is a comforting fact. I was the "head chef" cooking for 12 people at a birthday dinner party last weekend, and the end result was so much better than going to a restaurant, regardless of how much easier the food would've been. I'm thinking of discouraging restaurant/bar usage on into October, just because the alternatives can be so much more fun, but of course it'll no longer be a "rule". 

A nice change as well, I don't feel as achy as I did before about being alone. School being back in session has helped with this, but I think it also has to do with some maturation on my part. I've become more comfortable with myself in the last couple months and time of solitude has been on a higher level of enjoyment. Being in a new place has probably helped this, too, as there are always things to be done and artsy projects to embark on, and feeling more at home here has widened the inspiration spout for sure. It's become clearer and clearer to me, also, that as far as men are concerned, I most likely have not met "him" yet and regardless of if this is true, I need to chill the heck out. I'm not good at waiting, but this is practice I need. Practice is annoying but necessary. I have to remind myself of this daily with a multitude of other things that bring about growth and discipline. Growth+discipline=discomfort. Meh. Reality. I'm ok with this more and more.

What else what else what else? Oh, today I found out if I don't need to go through a certification process in order to get hired as a teacher in Illinois, which means if I can find a job in Chicago this Spring, they can hire me as is, and I'll have two years to do all the muckity-muck for the Illinois certification while I'm in the midst of teaching. This makes the future look a bit brighter, because face it, Texas: I love you, but I'm not meant to be here forever. I'm made up of Northern puzzle pieces. The nice thing is, on the flip side, I love my job here and don't mind staying as long as it takes to make things happen up there. I'm not going to run away. I'm going to plan a fantastic getaway, which might take some time. However, I'm hoping it doesn't take me more than 8 months. I'll keep you posted.

And oh man! Time has flown with titanium wings! I've got to get in the shower....going bowling in an hour. Yes, bowling.

p.s. the title of this post refers to a button my friend Dianna gave me in college. It has a little bunny on it and "Cute but psycho. Things even out." is what it says. She said it reminded her of me. Surprising? I think not.

Day 151: The Bug

Just another normal day in the House of Jessie/Anna.....

Jess: GROSS! Quick! There's a bug on the carpet! Get something to kill it!

Me, scrambling around the kitchen: You don't have any paper towels! There's nothing to kill with in here!

Jess: Oh wait, it's just a doodle bug (translation-roly poly)...*whew*

Me: Do I still need to find something to kill it?

Jess: WAIT WAIT, it has fur! It's not a doodle bug! GROSS! QUICK! Man, that thing's fast! Anna, GET SOME TOILET PAPER! DON'T LET IT GET AWAY!

Me: I think it's just a doodle bug.

Jess: It doesn't have armadillo scales and it's WAY too quick! Aaaah!

Anna: Yeah, doodle bugs just roll up in a ball. That thing's running!

Jess, with insane swirly Cruela Deville eyes after smooshing the mystery bug to smithereens: AAAAH! THAT'S IT! I'M VACUUMING!

Day 148: It's all happening!

Today I went to school for the first time since I left in June, and thankfully, my classroom is still in one piece (I heard horror stories from other teachers about how people cleaning the carpets had turned their rooms into Willy Wonka topsy-turvy land, so I was a bit scared to go in). Everything is pretty much how I left it, which is both good and bad. I have some serious cleaning out and organizing to do, but there is enough time between now and the 23rd to get it taken care of. I just need to make sure I'm working enough on it every day until then, and *grumble*, I should probably go in for at least a few hours on Friday, even though it'll be my last weekday off for the rest of my life until November.
My class schedule and format is going to be totally different this year, and the leadership has almost entirely changed except my Math department head. I feel good about all of the replacements, though, so I'm hopeful.

I hope to squeeze as much free joy as I can from the next 12 days! Woopah! Of course, my life won't end when school starts,  but my priorities will go from a bowl of colorful jell-o to a series of typed lines on a page, if you know what I mean. Here's to being a professional.










*chuckle*

Day 143: Plights?

I had a mild nervous breakdown yesterday when trying to motivate myself to clean the house and go to the grocery store to buy ingredients for a birthday dinner. I ended up freaking out and canceling, and not for any justifiable reason, really...I just didn't think I was capable of good hosting at that point. At times like these, I feel that if I had roommates, they'd talk me out of the insanity and help get me going. However, I don't have any, so during my occasional times of momentary neurosis, there is no one to snap me out of it. I've got to learn to do this for myself, which I personally think is nearly impossible. This is one of the many reasons no man (or woman, for that matter) is an island!  So I'm trying to think of what I can do. Maybe I can turn my breakfast nook into a mini bedroom for homeless women to come and stay while they're looking for work......or maybe not. Sigh.

Have you ever read anything by Tom Robbins? He makes me really happy with the way he describes things. Although he can be crude at times, his hilarity absolves this. I recommend you give him a try if you have time. I'm currently reading "Jitterbug Perfume". The beginning about beets is a classic.

In other news, I've been watching truckloads of 30 Rock lately. I relate to the character of Liz Lemon so much it scares me, quite frankly. Although, I don't work for a major corporation, and she has better credit than me. That's about it. I can relate to everything else to a tee.

Lastly, school starts in two weeks. I start moving things into my new apartment in a week. Another chapter is about to start, and I do not feel ready. I still feel like driftwood, although I'm praying for a way for this to change. I'll keep you posted.

In the mean time, there's always Pandora and Dallas Public Library.

Day 138: Self? Where'd you go?

The main problem, I've discovered, with having so much time off is that one MUST, essentially, be very mentally and emotionally stable/strong to truly enjoy it. It's so easy to slip into thought stew and just live inside my head instead of keeping the senses open and enjoying the day. Things that toooootally wouldn't bother me during the school year are currently making me lose sleep or mope, simply because I've let myself way over-think every situation.

And then there are boys. Bleh! Boys! I suppose I should be saying "men", although to this day I still mainly think of mustached forty year-old uncles when I think of the term "man". Who knows where this comes from. What I do know, however, is that being single is more of a job than I thought it would be. One must stick to her guns if she doesn't want to get into strange or compromising situations. As I've said to my friends recently, I'm tired of dating and I've barely even started!

The mind reels.

Day 122: Written Joy

I've re-discovered the wonder attached to written letters. Albeit, it's not as fast as email, but the romance each piece of paper packs makes up for the wait, seven-fold. (ha, fold, ya get it? Paper? Fold? walka walka walka...)

Alright, all lameness aside, I encourage you to start writing letters. It's taken me a long time to get back into the swing of things, which admittedly, I'm not actually IN the swing but in front of it, but the few I've written and received recently are enough to keep me going far into next year. I'm thinking of starting a letter writing guild, where people get together with their stationary and just write letters. I wonder who would actually be interested in something like that other than me........

People get together to knit, don't they? Writing is just as exciting as knitting, so why not?

Day 105-121: Post-vacay syndrome...

I had a fabulous trip. When I got home, my best friend stayed with me for a week. Now, it's just me again. At first, maybe for the first few hours, it was a relief, but at this point I realize I don't want to live by myself anymore. The best part of my trip was being around the people. Yes, the sights were lovely, and I fell in love with Chicago all over again, but really, I enjoyed the community the most.

So where do I go from here? It's a complete mystery.

Day 103 & 104: Urbanista Fabuloso

Oh, how I've been enjoying Chicago! This weekend was the Chicago Underground Film Festival, but I didn't know about it until the last minute, so I missed most of it. Oh well. Next year. :)

Meanwhile, my best friend and I are looking for two bedroom dwellings in Dallas, and I am sooooo tempted to look at this loft in Deep Ellum. I know we talked about having a yard, but look at it! Isn't it COOL?

Day 102: The Guilties

For some reason I've been replaying conversations and events in my head that occurred with people I don't even know last weekend, and for some reason it's had a huge impact on how I feel about myself at the moment. I feel I was a bad representative of myself and usually I'd find a way to right it, but this time there is no way, since I'm most likely not going to see them again, and it's been bothering me a lot. In fact, it's been keeping my head from being at peace and making me ache. I want to just stop thinking about it but I can't, maybe because there's no closure or resolution.

A person dear to me calls this feeling "the guilties", and now I see why, but how do you get rid of them? I've already talked to God about it, but they're still there, those pesky guilties....

Help!

Day 87-101: Time time time

"Time is an elusive and comical entity."

I've started a new post every couple days and abandoned it before completion, due to other things screaming at me louder than this computer. However, the need to write has developed the tone and volume of a banshee, so it is now time to finish a post. Excuse me for a moment while I gulp.

So, thus far, I've seen Philadelphia and New York City, and I arrived in Chicago on Wednesday. I, as it currently stands, have no pictures to show, and I'm a little scared that my brain won't properly store the memories, but not everything should be required to merit visual evidence.

In Philadelphia I

• saw some LOVEly art at the Barnes Foundation. I discovered some artists I didn't know I enjoyed, like Wols, Prendergast, Braque, and Chirico.  

• accidentally walked a little too far west and got solicited for my body...oops!
• perused a list containing five million beers I've never heard of and tasted a few. 
  
• briskly saw the Liberty Bell *yawn*...
  
• met a bunch of artsy gardening types who made me question the coolness & purpose of my identity.
• ate the best sushi I've ever tasted; reasonably priced, too!
• admired the buildings downtown.
• went hiking through some of the most beautiful woods I've seen since Upper Michigan.
• discovered a strange plant that we called "the white mushroom flower" while on said hike. After doing some research, I figured out it's a mycotrophic plant. I even found a picture:

• tried making banana bread without baking soda. fail. 
  
• roamed around in a huge art supply store.
• wolfed down a real Philly cheese-steak (not bad!) 
  
• strolled through Rittenhouse park and thoroughly enjoyed people watching.
• made a buffoon of myself for an entire evening. :(
• partook in the most glorious brunch of 2010. 
• got inspired to start living more fully & shirk the layer of dullness that Dallas showers upon its residents...

New York was not nearly as eventful, since I only had two days and I was exhausted, but I still got a good eye-full. I can't decide if I truly like New York. It seemed rather full of itself. However, I LOVED Central Park. The lush greenness in the middle of the city was a genius idea. I also adored Brooklyn, with all its interesting shops and restaurants and pubs and diners. People watching was probably the funnest there, too, because of all the Bob Dylan/Joan Baez types buzzing about.

On a side note, one thing that made my trip to PA/NY unique was the fact my phone was not with me. I didn't do this to courageously free myself of communicational chains, but rather because I was in a hurry going through security in the Atlanta airport and allowed it to slip out of my purse. Thankfully, the lost and found office kept it safe (I have it back now), but it really made me feel alienated, both physically and emotionally. It cured me of my severe dependence on it, though, and simplified things somewhat. Everything happens for a reason; of this I'm still convinced.
 
So anyway, I haven't decided if I'm ready to risk buying a digital camera or not, simply because my budget tightened after New York City. However, I'm aching to visually show you some of the things in Chicago that made me smile forever or left me breathless. 

So, we'll see. In the mean time, plan on visiting here more often. I think I've returned.


p.s.
best thing about my trip so far: enjoying the warmth in people that reigns universal

worst thing: realizing I've allowed myself to become slightly boring, or maybe stagnant is a better word. I'm not currently addicted to or in love with anything as far as actions are concerned. Oh, and my duffle bag came apart.

Day 79-86: Groundhog Day

I never thought I'd be enjoying my time off so thoroughly that I'd not have time to write! Here it is, Thursday already! It's honestly felt like that movie Groundhog Day, except with Saturdays over and over again. This isn't a bad thing at all, but after awhile it starts to make my internal compass of time feel like the battery is dead. I'm hoping my vacation will jar it enough to get it working again. Constant Saturdays are only fantastic for about as long as pizza for every meal is.

So yes, school is over and I'm well into my first week of freedom. More about it coming up. Right now, however, it's off to the store for some milk to go in my cereal and coffee. :)

Day 71-78: ......

..........

The desert is almost crossed. Until then, no words. My apologies.

Day 66-70: Vida!

So I've started reading "My Life in France" by Julia Child, since it finally came in at the library. She didn't find her calling until later in life, but when she did, she ran full speed and had an incredible husband to help support and influence her along the way.

Am I saying I want to get married? Not necessarily. You sort of need to be in love for that to even start. However, I do feel it's time to start taking action on making Julie into Julie extraordinaire.

What does this mean, exactly? Here are the first baby steps:

• start cutting off things I don't need in my life. 
• stop wasting time.
• make time to DO! what will set people (or myself) ablaze. 

Now, I told you I'd write my dream for living, so here it is, in as few words as possible.

I WANT:
-to live in a place where I can bike/walk nearly everywhere, and when I can't do that, take the train. I want my bike to be my best friend, transportationally speaking.
-to own my own house with some trees around it, with plenty of windows, a decently sized kitchen, and an extra room to do my art. And until I can own, I want to find something comparable to rent.
-to find someone who can be my companion and share joys/endeavors/blahs with. At this point, I don't know if it's going to be a man or a Great Dane. Jury's still out. I'm okay with this.
-to build a TREE HOUSE where I can write, have coffee, read books, take naps, and think. Of course, as I mentioned before, this requires trees.
-to learn how to sew clothes so I can custom-make things to donate to local shelter and social service clients, so when a homeless and/or down-and-out person goes into a job interview, they feel awesome instead of weird (who wants to wear a suit or a dress that doesn't fit them well?).
-to have a decent sized garden that provides nearly all of my produce.
-to own a Great Dane, husband or not.
-to help kids learn and grow, whether that be to keep teaching or something else that I've not discovered yet.
-to MAKE cards, paintings, clothes, curtains, wallpaper, stationary, bedding, shower curtains, wrapping paper, etc. etc. etc. Basically, I want to make everything that I normally would pay someone else to make for me, excluding anything carpentry/electronics related.
-to learn to play the organ and/or guitar. 
-to see Europe, including Scandinavia, Australia, the east and western United States, Brazil, and Japan.
-to be well-read/researched enough to vote with confidence on local, state, and federal governmental issues.
-to find a community to grow in my faith with. Who knows what that means at this point.
-to have as few needless possessions as possible.
-to develop a decent running base. I'm running a half-marathon in August. Sheesh!
-to build an awesome bird house to go in the back yard. I plan on supplying plenty of birdseed so they don't go for the vegetables. Also, it's fun to watch. :)
-to read often for enjoyment.
-to not lose the THIRST for the amazingness and wonder of love.

I pray I can do all this. In the mean time, it's fun writing about it. :)

Happy pre-Memorial Day week!

Day 58-65: Exhausted.

I'm so exhausted on every level (physically, spiritually, emotionally, dietarily, educationally, socially, monetarily, and every other category I've not listed here) that I'm not even going to write anything.

I just want you to know I've not given up on this web journal (I decided I don't like the word "blog") and have lots of stuff I'm going to write about when my energy returns.

Stay tuned!

Day 55-57: Spring Fling

So, I told you a person in Detroit somehow used Calvin's Transmoggifier and transmoggified a credit/check card with my number on it to buy a bunch of liquor, gas, fried chicken and McDonald's food, right? Well, I'm still waiting on the new bank card to come in the mail, since obviously I had to cancel the other one...and man! It's amazing how alienated I feel when I write checks at the grocery store. People stare and tap their fingers, as if I'm an odd pariah of some sort who is oppressing them by making them wait an extra two minutes in line. I've never been looked down upon in a Wal-Mart before. Welcome to Dallas. As it is I felt ridiculous I was even there, because I had just been to Newflower Farmers Market not a few minutes before, but I had forgotten to get cash back (my gas tank is on empty), and the store closed at 10. Oh well. I emerged from the situation relatively unscathed, and now my car will have something to eat (or drink or whatever).

At school today the kids got to spend the last two periods outside on the practice field playing games and consuming hotdogs/chips/sodas. I was incredibly impressed at the stellar behavior. Honestly, most of the staff and I were expecting the worst, because we've never done this before, but it was such a lovely surprise. I chose to supervise the impromptu soccer game that went on in the back corner of the field, and I didn't have to intervene even once! This was an entire school of 6-8th graders in one grassy space, and they were angelic for two hours. I agree with the security guard's theory that no sane kid is going to act up when he is given the freedom to run around and play outside while still at school. I'm regretting the lack of sunscreen, however. I will be called Ms. Rudolph tomorrow.

While I was at Newflower I also bought mint and rosemary to put in the pots that currently still have plant corpses. I hope they won't get creeped out that I'm transplanting them to a place where death recently occurred, but I doubt it, because it seems like plants have a more natural understanding of the life cycle than humans do. I have high hopes for this second generation, though. I'm looking forward to many quality batches of rosemary mashed potatoes and mojitos! :)

And now it's time to embrace Thursday, or at least survive it with vigor. 

Day 52-54: Gray

I woke up to a gray sky this morning, too late to go to church, missing my mother terribly. Also, I finally admitted to myself that all the plants I've left inside are dead, except for the oregano, which is obviously sick but still hanging on by a thread or two. Thankfully, the tomato, green pepper, cucumber, lemon verbana, and strawberry plants that I moved outside are doing alright. That said, however, I am counting down the days until I move into a place with a yard. I will keep trying to change this black thumb into a green one, even if it takes until I'm 40! If only I could feed them all the food I've been making lately.

Speaking of, I had a bunch of mushroom stuffing leftover from Monday, and contrary to the way it sounds, it does not contain any bread. It's just bacon, mushrooms, onions, and lots of butter, simmered forever until every possible flavor each item could have is brought out and blended into a state of insanity. I didn't want it to go to waste, and I still had a big fat chicken breast left, so I cut the overweight chunk of meat in half, flattened the two pieces, and attempted to make another round of Chicken Kiev. Only this time, I didn't have any artichoke juice for the chicken to simmer in the pan with (the liquid left from a big jar of artichoke hearts), so I put a whole can of chicken broth instead. Even after stuffing the chicken pieces to the point of explosion, I still had mushroom stuffing left, so I actually just mixed the rest of it in with the chicken broth to make a hearty soup for the chicken to luxuriously bathe in. There were also a million mushrooms left, both whole and minced, so I put those in the soup, too. The results were completely beyond description. The chicken turned out so much better than last time, and the liquid concoction the breasts were sitting in became a delectable, savory mushroom onion chicken soup. I think Julia would've been proud. Now what to do with the white and green onions I still have in the fridge......should've put some in the eggs yesterday! Blast!

I have 3 1/2 weeks left of school. I'm trying not to give up before the end.

Day 51: Souper dooper

I do admit, I often relate to dudes better than women, but nothing can replace a good girlfriend. I laughed when after saying "I'm going to dinner with one of my girlfriends tonight", one of my students earnestly asked, "are you a lesbian?". Oh, such differences in colloquial terminology between generations.

I don't care what people say to bash Souper Salad, I still enjoy going there. It's possibly because I like my ranch dressing extra runny and I enjoy fake frozen pizza, but I care not why I think it's good. Some things we just find comfort in. All the teachers at work got unlimited "buy one dinner, get one free" coupons, so I'll probably be going at least once a month now until it expires. Yes, apparently I'm a philistine.

Lately my perspective on things has drastically taken a turn for the more sunny because I'm reading Nelson Mandela's autobiography. After learning what he's gone through, anything I complain about seems either ridiculously superficial or laughably conquerable. After him, it'll be Carrie Fischer, and after that, Darwin. Am I the only one who thinks people's real lives are equally as interesting as if not more than fiction?

Oh, in other news, I made dinner with an old friend I never thought I'd see again on Monday night, another Julia Child creation, and it turned out surprisingly successful once again. Instead of frying the Chicken Kiev and using the traditional herbal butter filling, I baked it and put in mushroom stuffing. And although my friend's claim that success wouldn't have been possible without the toothpicks he bought on the way is true, I still am proud to be able to improvise with and conquer recipes that aren't necessarily created for the novice cook. It went wonderfully with the rosemary mashed potatoes, which is something I made up on my own. Onward! To new roads paved with delicious food and bigger hips!

Day 44-50: Honesty

I've been realizing more and more that I sometimes live in denial in efforts of pleasing people. This is neither an admirable or healthy characteristic to have. So, I'm working on changing it, but I realized that in order to start being more honest, some people might get hurt.

So, if you are a praying person, please pray for me. I have some major emotional housework to do in the next few months, and I doubt it'll be pretty, regardless that it's the best thing. People, myself not above it, have a hard time dealing with health-improving things in times of dire discomfort, so they go back to sitting in the butt-imprint on the couch that brought them down in the first place. Weird analogy, I know. I'll think of something better next time.

I'll try not to stay away from the blog this long again. It was just a crazy bunch of days this last week. I'm so ready for June!
 
P.s.: This is how I felt today:

Day 40-43: Opening a Restaurant

So, I've come to discover in the last year that I'm really good at making hummus. In fact, every time I make it I think "wow; I've really outdone myself this time". The latest trip into Hummus Land produced cayenne cilantro hummus, a creation I formed from the necessity of using cilantro before it goes bad. And honestly, I put cayenne in anything I can get away with. My friend Aaron called me Kid Hummus or something like that, and then I said "more like Kid Yummus", and then it occurred to me I should open up a restaurant called "Kid Yummus Greek Cafe".
Then last night I celebrated my friend Meg's birthday at a Thai restaurant, and I started getting the idea that I could start making my own Tom Kha soup. While administering the Texas state reading test at work I thought of a good name for my own restaurant if I were to try my hand at the Asian food business: Princess Yumyum's Asian Cuisine.
This further demonstrates how full I am of completely useless but clever ideas.

The brilliance is blinding. Blarp. All I've done this week is state testing administration and will be intensely relieved when it's over.

Oh, and I don't think the ice cream shop is going to happen, but the aforementioned best friend might come and live with me in Dallas for a few months. If you know my shoe-box apartment, you know how fun it'll be. It'll be like we're camping every night, but if anyone can make a fun escapade out of it, she and I can.

Day 38 & 39: Sunlight

There are two things I am definitely no good at:

1: Making bacon. The individual pieces always end up morphing into one conglomerate piece of mess, which leaves parts undone and other parts too crispy. However, I blame my small pan for this.
2: Keeping anything green alive. So far, the courts could convict me of plantslaughter, do to the fact my basil and cilantro plants are now dead because of my over-watering and lack of exposing them to enough sunlight. I also partially blame my circumstances, though. My apartment doesn't get enough sunlight. I've hopefully solved this problem with the remaining survivors of my torturous dwelling by putting their pots in various inconspicuous spots outside. I'm hoping no one will notice they're there so they won't get thrown away or picked. So far they seem happier anyway. If I end up killing them all, I think I'm just going to try again. One can never give up on trying to keep living things alive as long as such endeavors are kept in the plant category. If you, on the other hand, can't keep a pet alive, you should throw in the towel after the first attempt. In my defense, a pet makes noise or will bug the Hades out of you when it needs something. Plants just die in quiet pain if they are mistreated or neglected; poor things.

Being that today is Saturday, I have the day to do whatever with; well, at least until 3 pm. That being said, I am going to try my hand at thrift shopping around Dallas. I've not really done this yet, which is a bit shameful, seeing as I've been in DFW for 10 years now (oofta!) and in Dallas since last August. I'll report back with my findings.

Day 34-37: Project or something to say?

I thought I was blogging because I wanted to get into the habit of writing down the flow of my brain on a daily basis, but I was just informed I should blog only when I have something to say.

However, what defines "something"? How does one decide what is worthy and what is just dribble? In my eyes, all of what I've written thus far is simply a smattering of silliness, and I'm at peace with that. I think it's alright to have a blog where thoughts are haphazardly thrown on the canvas rather than put forth as a worthy message. People could argue about blogs in the same fashion they argue about art. Why is it there? Is it for beauty? Catharsis? A statement?

The world may never know.


In other news, this last handful of days has been a drab flash of obligation and business. However, I did get to have a decent run last night (45 minutes) and have relished some good food with people I enjoy. That alone makes it a good week.

And I might spend the summer in Missouri running an ice cream shop with my best friend. This excites me.

Day 30, 31, 32, & 33: Slacking Off (Not)

This is the longest I've gone without writing since I started this thing. I've written down some thoughts and stored a few in the mental hard drive but haven't made it to the computer to type it all. I think it might be a good thing when a person is too busy living to actually blog. However, taking a few moments to think, recollect, and type it still remains valuable to me.

So, I finished up the week with a bang. Friday night was a lovely time with old girlfriends and a good band (Rodney Parker & 50 Peso Reward). Saturday was a day of milling around and trying to get things done. Typical.

Today I made my first Julia Child creation. It was a rolled souffle with spinach/artichoke/bacon filling. Wowee! It was actually a success, but I don't think I would've been able to do it without people helping me. I admire Julie Powell, even if she is a mean person in real life. I have decided Julia Child recipes aren't meant to be accomplished alone unless a person is extremely experienced and well-versed in the kitchen. Brunch with some dear friends from the days of old was definitely something we all enjoyed (I hope; I did!). My friend who came to help me also was the one behind the Monkey Bread, which is a brown sugary creation I enjoyed in middle school when my best friend's mom would make it. Both the souffle and the monkey bread, along with the fruit salad and mimosas, were all a big success. Hooray! It was sincerely just good to have everyone together, though, food or not. I want to start doing potlucks, too, because I really do believe food is a wonderful medium to bond over.

And I am praying that this week will be productive, artful, and interesting. I am praying for God's mercy to help me do it all and for grace when I can't/don't.

Musical Moment: "Twilight Creeps" by Crooked Fingers
Literary Delight: Julia Child's "The Way to Cook" 
Foody Fare: Rolled Souffle with spinach, artichoke, mozzarella and bacon filling     
What to Watch:  The NBA Playoffs!
Enjoyed Place of Business: Lakewood Landing (really good grilled cheese sandwich)
Lesson learned: Life is definitely better handled when you have a sous-chef or two.

Day 28 & 29: PPR...Potato, Pasta, Rice.

It feels odd to be at my house at 4 pm on a Wednesday. I usually don't get back here until 6 at the earliest. The peacefulness present in my apartment during the daylight hours of a workday is different than those of a Saturday or Sunday; a delicious quietness, if you will. Saturdays feel louder just because they are, well, Saturdays. Sundays don't feel loud, per say, but they still don't provide the same thoughtful ambiance around the house as a good weekday afternoon. Maybe it's knowing that everyone outside is buzzing around at work? I don't know why.

Another odd thing.......there was a man at a bus stop near my house this morning drinking a big can of Milwaukee's Best (crappy brand of beer) before ten o'clock. It made me curious about what his life is like and where he was going on the bus. I wonder about the lives of different people I see all the time. Do you? There's the middle aged woman behind me in line at the grocery store who is, for some reason, wearing a pair of jeans two sizes too small even though jeans that fit her would probably be a size 6. And the little toddler boy in an outfit more expensive than three of mine running around a busy restaurant without the discipline of his mother. And the 14 year-old girl who walks 2 miles to school every day and mysteriously lives with her adult sister instead of her parents. There are millions!

Oh, the reason why I'm not at work is because I took my PPR test today and had a sub. PPR stands for Pedagogy and Professional Responsibilities. Every teacher has to take it every handful of years to keep their state certification. It was long and very abstract. I find out in a few days whether or not I passed. I also find out my 8th graders' TAKS scores, too. The suspense is making my blood pressure slightly higher than usual.

*****pause for 4 hours*****

Here are a few random thoughts I had either last night or today:

• Even though it's probably made out of liquefied plastic, I love Taco Bell's nacho cheese. It's the only reason I go there every so often, say, once every couple months versus never. 
• The politics of platonic relationships between men and woman as I get older makes me more and more morose. It's so rare to have a pure friendship between a man and a woman free of misunderstandings, hidden feelings/agendas, or complications. Sometimes I feel like an endangered species in my wish for this kind of friendship, and it makes me question either the rest of the world or my personal honesty. I really think it's the rest of the world that is off, not me. I don't see why I can't have a dear friend who is of the opposite sex without being attracted or wanting to date them and am gravely disappointed when one or both of the aforementioned things is the sole motivator for someone caring about me. But yes, I know, such is reality. I just don't like it. 
• Sorry if this is t.m.i., but it's gotten way too frustrating not to write about. Every now and then I'd hear a wailing noise that was pretty loud and annoying, as if the activity causing the wailing was happening with the window open (or even outside, who knows!), but the nights it happened were few and far between enough that I never got the courage to yell anything. Well, I was napping just now, which I probably shouldn't have been doing due to the amount of things around here needing to be done, but none the less, the wailing started again, this time loud enough to wake even me, the rock of sleepers, up out of the deepest depths of R.E.M.. Feeling very sour about it, I opened the window and yelled "Lady, everyone can hear you!" knowing that if I could hear her that clearly, she could most certainly hear me. Although I was actually a little scared once I shouted it (who knows why, I said nothing mean or crude, just something true and a little angry), I'm glad at least now there's been some public protest.                       

And I guess that's an appropriate place to end this post. I can't believe it's already Thursday tomorrow!  

Musical Moment:Drugs or Me (Styrofoam Remix) by Jimmy Eat World
Literary Delight: More Julie & Julia 
Foody Fare: Spinach, mushrooms, and chicken topped with alfredo sauce on a bed of israeli cous cous. I made it!      
What to Watch: News Radio....old school.   
Enjoyed Place of Business: *blushes sheepishly* Taco Bell
Lesson learned: I need to work up more courage to speak my mind and stand up for myself.

Day 27: Green Trees. Delicious.

And for dinner tonight........

*drum roll*



Apple Cinnamon Cheerios. And I feel like I'm getting old, too, because I found myself thinking "these are too crunchy". Pretty soon I'll think the foot traffic at the mall moves too fast and the colors the kids are wearing these days are too bright. AARP, here I come!

Just kidding.

Really, seriously, I should probably go to the gym tonight. Do I want to, though? Honestly, no. But as I sit here typing, I know my backside is getting mushier and my bones are aging faster. So I better get my honky-tonk ba-donka-donk in gear and go.

And thus it's a short post. Today was a pretty good day for a Monday. There was no traffic, both ways, and for the first time in a couple weeks I feel like my stomach is on the mend. I'm honestly starting to think it was just that I was eating more calories than my body could handle so my digestion was on stimulus overload. Yuck.

Oh, in other news, before I go, I just found out that my dear friend's wedding and the family reunion I started the idea for will be on the same weekend this summer. This is going to be super exciting and also a little tricky, but I think I can make it work. As it stands now, during the months of June, July, and August, I definitely will be going to

• Upper Michigan
• Minnesota
• Chicago

And I hopefully will be going to

• Philadelphia
• New York
• Baltimore
• Los Angeles 
• Phoenix 

Oh, what a summer it will be!!! 


May it come with swift godspeed.

Musical Moment: Holy, Holy, Holy by Sufjan Stevens
Literary Delight: Math curriculum. Fun. 
Foody Fare: Penne Pomodoro     
What to Watch: The Muppets!  
Enjoyed Place of Business: Newflower Farmers Market 
Lesson learned:It's better to have gone on a walk and enjoyed it than gone on a run because you felt you were supposed to.




p.s. Two things:
1.I have a new neighbor who seems friendly, which is nice. His name is Rodney. He rides a bike and wears a plaid newsboy hat.
2. I finally caved and put the tomato and pepper plants outside. We'll see how they adjust to the wild. I need to buy a camera! 

Day 26: Real Literature...

I just found out that my mother has been reading more books about werewolves, vampires, and demons. Oh, Mom! You need some Charles Dickens, or at least some Don Delillo or Toni Morrison!

That is all I have to say about that.

So I went to a show in my college town last night, and it was lovely. The weather was paradise for sitting outside! Fish tacos with chips/queso on a patio for dinner. Perfect. Then Kristen and I shared a hot fudge sundae at my favorite old fashioned ice cream place, and although the server skimped on the fudge, it was a nearly flawless experience. There was a little cluster of younger-than-me girls who all looked like Urban Outfitter models who sat at a table behind us and sang some songs in perfect 4 part harmony. It was like out of a movie. The band we saw was wonderful as usual, although the set was sadly short. I think the end is near for them, just because they're all going separate ways in their lives, and it makes me a bit glum, because they're all so great. Fortunately, there are still exciting things to come from them as individuals, but as the band I've known, it won't be much longer. Sigh.

Today at the grocery store a jazz ensemble was playing. Only in Dallas would there be a jazz ensemble playing inside a Kroger. Second odd occurrence....other than the cotton discs I got for my face, I only bought dairy products. If you cut me open, milk would come out instead of blood. Oi vay! A friend of mine on Twitter is gracefully laboring to convert me to veganism, but I've been such a lover of dairy for so long, I don't know how I'll be won over, although I do admire her.

I guess that's all I have for now. I'm supposed to be working on lesson plans, not blogging. Shame on me! Two weeks left before TAKS for my 6th and 7th graders...

Musical Moment: Stay in the Shade by Jose Gonzalez
Literary Delight: Embarrassing, but now it's Vanity Fair. Sheesh.
Foody Fare: Smoked Salmon Eggs Benedict. W---O---W.    
What to Watch: People on a patio. Go sit outside!
Enjoyed Place of Business: The Libertine (best brunch in Dallas)
Lesson learned: I need to not be so quick to judge those younger than me for their annoying aspects of immaturity but instead enjoy when they do amazing things.

Day 24 & 25: Pesto & Pest Control

Yesterday while I was at work, the pest control guys came and sprayed my apartment, which is normal, quarterly business. Before I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but this time I was wondering "Do I stow my plants in the closet? Will they be okay?"....but I didn't put them away, due to needing to get to work on time, and they seem to have survived just fine. I almost told the pest guy not to come, because I don't have any bugs, but I think it's a precaution required by the management. Sigh. Management.

I wish they had a class you could take on gardening, indoor or outdoor. I think I'm watering some of the plants too much and some others not enough, but I still largely remain ignorant, so I don't even know. I guess I could try and find a book as well.

I got to see some of my wonderful gal pals last night, and we had a good time catching up over pesto chicken pizza and avocado egg rolls. Yum yum yum! Right when I got home, however, instead of going out or doing something productive, I went right to sleep.

At nine o'clock.

And then I had a dream that I was at a party and I caught a girl (much younger than I) pouring a white powder into my diet coke. I scraped it out with my finger and tried to find a sink to wash it off, but by the time I found one, the powder had eaten away at my skin and was absorbed into my body. My finger was hurting but I didn't care because I was horribly high. The girl told me it was a mixture of ecstasy and acid (light on the acid, apparently).

Ok ok ok, first of all, why couldn't have I just dumped the coke out instead of trying to get the powder out with my hand?
Second of all, I've never taken acid or ecstasy in real life, so how or why would/could I be feeling high in a dream?

I decided not to analyze this too much.  

And today, I'm not doing much other than laboring on stuff for work and going to a show later on tonight. Life is more lovely than normal on a Saturday.

Day 21, 22, & 23: The damned jammed window.

Tuesday was anxious and cramped-feeling at work because of administering the 8th grade math TAKS test all day, so when I got home I naturally had some innocent angst and restlessness to expel. At the end of the night, my house was free of clutter (as much as can be in one evening), my bedroom was finally rearranged to a layout I love, the papason chair was miraculously dismantled and stowed in the closet, and I somehow had a new dresser. Wal-LAH.

Yesterday was a non-day in every way. More TAKS testing, but it wasn't as bad, stress wise, because it was reading, not math. The evening, in contrast, was of much feel-good substance, because I got to hang out with my sister and an old friend of hers from high school. I now know how to make her captivating white chicken enchiladas. Lip-smackin' good!

And then there was today. Blah. Nothing exciting or delicious. I also realized some things.

1. My body has experienced muscle atrophy in the last year, due to my lack of running and lifting weights. 
2. Swimsuit season is not only around the corner, it's set up camp on my door step, and I do NOT feel good about this. 
3. It's still two weeks until I get paid. Boo hoo! 
4. I don't know if I have enough energy to last me until June 3rd, so I'm going to need some alternative sources soon.

However, I also realized

• The Dallas Public Library seems to be, to me, one of the best libraries in the country.  
• My car is a faithful friend. Is this good or creepy?
• I now love my house. I am proud of my house. My house finally feels like my OWN!
• If I didn't have such a teeny kitchen, I would stay here. 

I guess that's all. I'm going to bed.


Except oh, the reason for the title of this post is from Tuesday evening after I got home from the library, where I got some AMAZING Julia Child books that scared the snot out of me with how simple yet horribly difficult a lot of the cooking concepts seem, me being such a novice, (and whoa, rabbit trail, must get back on track!). New sentence. So, the reason for the frustration-implied title of this post: I tried opening the front room window since the breeze outside was so balmy and nice, but it was not cooperating with me. It went up halfway with more effort than it should've, so I put it back down again in efforts of straightening it out, and it was stuck! Stuck worse than a 600 pound woman in mud without an F-150 in sight. I could not for the life of me, in all my He-man strength, get it open. It made me extremely livid, temporarily.

I don't think I would've gotten so much done later on that night if I hadn't been so angry. Ha. Funny how things like that work.

G'night!


p.s. One more thought. Yes, I think Victoria's Secret makes some of the best bras and underwear out there, but I am, admittedly, quite sick and tired of them barraging me with pictures of skinny white women. Is that really going to make me want their product more? Instead, they should photograph, in creative ways, all the cool colors and patterns they have this season,  or at least some normal people who weigh more then 2 pounds who aren't vying to seduce me while I'm trying to check my email!

Alright. Aggression subsiding, bed calling. ;) For real now.

Day 17, 18, 19, & 20: Good grief!

I really have no excuse for my lack of posts over the weekend, except that I gave back the charger I was borrowing for my laptop from a friend and haven't bought a new one yet, thus binding me to my clunky dinosaur of a desktop. Yes, it is a faithful machine of wonder and might, just like my old Mazda was. Both have a magical force field causing them to miraculously charge on way past the point of expected death. They defy the laws of both science and mechanics, which I suppose are siblings.

So anyway, you can tell I've missed writing, as on I babble about the usual nonsense.

Good Friday was decent, although I was lazier than I would've preferred. I went out to Ft. Worth in the evening with some dear old friends I've not seen in ages to a secret food destination, which end up being a place called Fred's that has the best cheese fries in all of Christendom. We had a grand old time. In the end, I stayed up too late and woke up the next morning puffy eyed,  stomach swirling with the consequences of excess. I would say it was well worth it, however.

Saturday was a whirl-wind of stomach recovery, cookie baking, and *ring ring ring*....Easter Vigil! I LOVE the way the Episcopal church does the Easter vigil service!!! It's dark, with candles, and then when the scripture gets to the Jesus being alive part, the chapel floods with light and all of a sudden everyone's ringing bells! I didn't know to bring a bell, so it alarmed me a little, but in a good way. By the time the reception was over with afterward, it was after 11, and I barely made it home because of how heavy my eyes were.

Easter was a lazy day full of amazing food and sloth-like behavior. I definitely owe my body a few thousand miles worth of running.

Which brings us to Monday. Work was just fine, although my stomach is still punishing me for all the food consumption over the weekend. Tomorrow is the math TAKS for my 8th grade kiddos. Pray for them, please. I made them set goals for the scores they want to get, and the kids surprised me with their lack of hope. I tried to give them a pep talk, so we'll see. I hate that it takes a week and a half for the scores to come back. The suspense will make me age prematurely.

In the mean time, I think I hear my bed calling, which isn't necessarily good, because I still have work to do, so I better sign off. Ciao!

Musical Moment: Typical by Mute Math
Literary Delight: W Magazine
Foody Fare: Spinach Omelette and Bacon  
What to Watch: Free Willy while you are doing other stuff. It'll bring back some childhood nostalgia.
Enjoyed Place of Business: Walgreens
Lesson learned: Stomachs work better when there is a regular work-out regimen. Without that, they do nothing but punish.

Day 16: Dogs in teddy bear suits.

I took a four hour nap when I got home from work tonight. Naturally it was an accident, but it's not an all-that-rare occurrence on the last day of the week. Collapse from utter exhaustion is not uncommon when working like a Hebrew for Pharaoh before Moses came around. It was a decent week, though.

I can't wait until I'm not a first year teacher anymore. There was a snaffu today in which my supervisor gave me an incorrectly founded command (well-meaning of course) that involved my kids not being able to stay for my tutorials even though it's the last one before TAKS, I'd gotten 80% of them to show up (which is a miracle) and I had ordered pizza already. If I weren't a first year, I would've been more inclined to say "ok" and then have the kids come back, or at least question the command. I'm not willing to do that yet, though, because it's unwise to ruffle feathers when not yet certified. I felt awful, though, when all the other teachers in my department had their kids stay anyway and, had they known what was happening, would've backed me up. I suppose it was an ironically appropriate situation for April Fools Day.

Oh well. The staff enjoyed the pizza.

I forgot to mention that when I was napping I had a crazy dream with dogs dressed in teddy bear suits. Hence the title of this post. And now I'm going to go and clean up the house a bit.

May you have a truely good Good Friday.


And as par requested from one of my four faithful readers, I am going to start doing my "miniature report section" at the end of each day again. :)

Musical Moment: Blue Sky Blues by Ryan Adams (yet another discovery from Aaron)
Literary Delight: more Julie and Julia by Julie Powell
Foody Fare: Papa John's Pizza with 3 cheeses. Yum yum! 
What to Watch: Matilda so you can reminisce about Roald Dahl's classic.
Enjoyed Place of Business: the Starbucks in my local Kroger (thanks for the gift card, Mom!)
Lesson learned: Just let it go. Sometimes that is what you must do.

Day 15: Wedding Hibiscuses

When I am stressed out after a long day of work, you know what my favorite thing to do is?

No, not drink a martini.

No, not go for a run.

No, not yell at the plants.

My favorite thing to do is mindlessly browse the grocery store. I could spend hours deciding what kind of salsa I want, which brand of coffee will complete me as a beverage drinking person, which avacado is the right one, what the perfect ingredient in the ethnic foods section to add to rice is, or or or or....

It calms my brain.

I was in the condiments aisle and noticed a man very thoroughly perusing the peanut butter shelves. It was SO tempting to give him the Peanut Butter Gospel! Do you know what the Peanut Butter Gospel is? It's what saves a person from bad oils. It's what helps them see the light of natural peanut butter, not pumped full of hydrogen. I wanted to tell him "Put the Jiff down! There's a better way of living!".

But I didn't. I let him get him continue down his sinful road of hydrogenated bliss. I hope I won't be held responsible for this when I get to the gates of food heaven.






In other and happier news, one of my dearest friends is getting married! I found out last week, but today she called me and asked me to be a bridesmaid. What an honor what an honor! Something nice too, I get to choose my own dress; any color or style I want, which is marvelous. I was thinking something like this would be good....

And now I'm tired. So it's time for bed. Tomorrow is Friday for me, technically, since it's the last school day of the week. Hoo-ray hoo-ray hoo-raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Day 14: Botany. Procrastination.

Grades for the 9 weeks were due today and I didn't have them done until the VERY last minute. D'oh! Shame on me.

In other news, all of my plants are still alive and well, except for my lettuce. It's slowly rotting. I think the death was a result of a shoddy transplant. Now I know.

I'm thinking about putting my tomato plant outside, because although it's alive, it seems sad. It wants to be swaying in the wind! When it starts bearing fruit I can bring it back in, because those birds; oooooooo, I loathe those birds who steal my tomatoes!! Last year it was this one cardinal who lived in the neighbor's backyard peach tree. I caught it eating my tomatoes multiple times. It was the only living thing that has ever tempted me to buy a bee-bee gun! But I didn't. I remain a pacifist in action.

Another thought: I need to buy a guitar and learn. That and piano. Life is too short not to be able to play the piano and guitar! I think I only remember three chords from when I tried to teach myself a few years ago. *sigh*

Just dribble today, I guess. Wait wait wait....it's always dribble!

May I have something with purpose to write about soon. Until then, I will sit and grade tests while I watch White Christmas, trying not to feel like my life is a little empty today.

Day 11, 12, & 13: Kites, Palm branches, & More Bacon

Wowee, I missed three days of writing and it's already felt like I've been gone a year! A habit is forming; that's for sure. At least it's not crack or beating little puppies.


So, what flew by was

• My nephew's birthday. He turned five. FIVE! His party was on Saturday, a lovely day full of sun and wind. I bought him a kite and was a bit worried because it didn't light up or have a voice button that says "robots in disguise", but he was much more fascinated with it than I would've guessed any kid that age in 2010 would be. That kid should go into science when he grows up. He's so interested in how things work and the mechanical nature of the world around him. Love it! We flew it, with his dad's help, and it was tons of fun. Not only was that fun, but hanging with Anna and our old friend who'd we not seen in awhile was lovely. Whenever I say "old friend" I laugh a little because it sounds like the person is elderly rather than I've known them for a long time. 
• PALM SUNDAY! I went to the service at my local cathedral (versus my home church that's a bit of a drive) with a dear friend I'm sort of dating.......it was GREAT! I love being an Episcopalian. The music and the simplicity of the message and the sacred nature of how they do everything... Awesome; so filled with beauty and in a way that feels like home to me. 
• And another day at work. I've learned not to stress as much about things. That's helped a lot. 

• Oh, and also I made an amazing dinner when I got home today from work, which is a mystery considering I'm usually sapped of energy. I cooked it from scratch; not even a recipe! The end result ended up being bacon-wrapped chicken breast with a mushroom basil cream sauce. There was enough to feed a family, so I hope I can eat it all in the next couple days. I HATE when food goes bad, but not having roommates makes it harder to consume everything. We live in a society made for couples and families. Recipes and packages of food hardly ever come in single servings if you want the good stuff.

I also found out how much I'm in love with Dallas libraries. They have such a wide inventory!!! However, it's not wide enough to keep me from being on a waiting list to get Julia Child's memoirs and cookbooks. So, I might just have to break down and buy them. Haven't decided yet, considering the budget. You'll probably find out if I ended up getting them or not just by observing how loopy my posts get in the next couple months. :)

It is SUCH a relief that there is no school on Good Friday. Even though my district doesn't technically list it as a religious holiday, I love the coincidence.

Happy Tuesday.

Day 10: Natural Cheetohs

Not much to report today. I didn't do anything last night other than aimlessly wander around my favorite neighborhood natural grocery store. I had a snacking breakdown and ended up with potato chips, cheetohs, and tortilla chips in my cart, none of which make a good dinner on their own, but when combined, WHALLAH! Still a bad dinner. The cheetohs were natural and baked, which this time translated into bitter disappointment. However, the Michael Season's cheetohs are exceptionally amazing; they just didn't have those.

Wow. What an exciting life!

A thought (or ponderance, really) I meant to write the other day but forgot was one from the head of a trusted friend and coworker. He asked, "How do you evaluate the goodness of a friend? Is it how attentive/faithful they are, or their quality as a person?". I thought this was an interesting question. Really, why is your best friend your best friend? I'd say, personally, that there should be a decent balance. Thankfully, my dearest friends are not only amazingly faithful but also people I admire in various ways. Yes, a lucky duck am I.

Happy weekend! 



Musical Moment: Vincent O'Brien by M. Ward
Literary Delight: Diamond Guitar by Truman Capote
Foody Fare: Spaghettios with both mozzarella and cheddar cheeses melted in. Third grade gourmet. :)
What to Watch: Third Rock From the Sun
Enjoyed Place of Business: Gloria's Restuarant
Lesson learned: When trying new food, films, and music, try to forget what you already know beforehand.

Day 8 & 9: Pink Plastic Life Jackets

After work yesterday I went to an art opening at the Dallas Contemporary. It was pouring outside, and the sound of the rain hitting the roof of the building was an awesome companion to the performance pieces. It really opened my eyes to how much I do not know about Conemporary art. The exhibit, which was constructed by an artist out of L.A., was sort of beyond me, it being several large, wooden structures covered in pink plastic. There were also pink plastic life jackets everywhere that the artist made. There was a lot of accompanying video displayed with the structures, and although I thought parts of it were cool, I didn't really feel like I "got" it. Oh well. I enjoyed going. The music was also really "out there" but I felt like I had a better appreciation for it than the exhibit pieces themselves. I checked the "I would like to volunteer" box when I signed up for their mailing list, so maybe I'll be spending some time there this summer. We'll see.

In the mean time, I was too tired when I got home to write anything, thus the double entry today. I'm going to bed extra early tonight. Before that, however, I hope to go running and finish a few things around the house. I STILL was having problems getting the fish/chicken smell to leave my house yesterday. I ended up disinfecting the Hades out of everything and am praying the fishy chicken odor monster is not there to greet me when I get home tonight. Until then, I also hope it's not pouring cows and horses outside. No umbrella!

Musical Moment: Human of the Year by Regina Spektor
Literary Delight: Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously
Foody Fare: Leftover Stracciatella, which I think is even better than when it was fresh, because all the flavors and herbs have had ample time to sink in and mix together.
What to Watch: Fawlty Towers
Enjoyed Place of Business: Any donut shop
Lesson learned: It's better to eat fish tacos at restaurants, not make them in a little apartment. Bleck.

Day 7: Stracciatella

Nothing says "life is wonderful" like burning hot vegetable/chicken fluid exploding out of the blender at two in the morning. I definitely felt like a character in a movie, and didn't climb into bed last night until 3 a.m.

The soup, however, was a pretty big hit tonight, with plenty of slurps and mmmmm's, which I accept as a fine approval. I am EXHAUSTED and will be going to bed shortly.

I've realized that I need to start writing things down I want to say in these posts throughout the day so they don't float out of my head and never come back, which lately they've been doing. I have a little Moleskin planner that's perfect; just need to start using it!

I missed my exit coming home tonight on the highway because of how entranced I was by the Dallas skyline, even though I see it all the time. I don't go down 35 in the middle of it all very often, however, and I feel like either they've done something different to it or my newly extra joyful outlook as of late has opened my eyes to see things more artfully. Either way, man. I love this city more and more and think I'll stay here. Who knows; I might even stay in my little apartment. We will see.

Until then, I've got to store up some z's and make the best of tomorrow. One thing I've resolved, before I go:

I will NOT let the TAKS tests taint my Spring!

Remember, I teach all three grades and Special Ed scores count in the campus stats this year (in the past they didn't)......but I am throwing the weight into the wind in hopes that the wind isn't strong enough to blow it back into my face and fracture my skull. 

Lovely thought.

Day 6: Back to prison

Okay okay okay, it's not prison, it's my job, and I actually really love it. However, being bound to early mornings and long hours does get tiring. I know I am not meant to do this forever. For the time being, though, I am grateful for the challenge. What doesn't brutally kill you makes you stronger, right? :)

Do you like to track your own statistics? My sister found a crazy online portal you can chart anything and everything with, and I wish I had more time to invest in it. I'm warning you; it's addicting! I almost had to get an intervention earlier this year because of it! And to think of all the innovations made on Earth because of nerds at MIT; this is just another brilliant thing they came up with in their spare time. The website url is http://mycro.media.mit.edu/ . Don't get too sucked in...

I blame Julia Child for the fact I'm still up at 1 a.m. making a ridiculous Stracciatella soup when I have to be at work by 7:30 tomorrow morning. This soup better be the best thing anyone's ever tasted. 

Musical Moment: Panic by The Smiths
Literary Delight: The gossip magazines at the grocery store checkout. Hardly literary.
Foody Fare: Organic Mixed Greens salad with mushrooms, shredded cheddar and cucumbers...
What to Watch: Juno
Enjoyed Place of Business: Chicken Express
Lesson: Be a good manager of time, even if it seems boring at that moment, because otherwise all the undone items will bite you in the rear end with horribly sharp teeth later on.

Day 4 & 5: Mayhem at its finest.

 Well, I had a great time at the Prophet Bar on Friday night seeing my old friend play a show. Sometimes I forget what amazingly talented friends I have. I stayed up late talking and catching up and enjoying the bacon at Cafe Brazil.

SUCH


GOOD


BACON!


I was minding my own business Saturday morning, just putting up a few pictures and puttzing around the house, when my old friend randomly asks me if I'd be his driving buddy for a one-day trip to Austin. As you know, it was SXSW this weekend, and oooooooooh my dear. I recognized the uniqueness of the opportunity and agreed to go. What a barrage of marvelous! I could barely take in all the fascinating people and sites and music...stimulus overload! It was also wretchedly cold. Thank you, old wool J.Crew coat with Thinsulate. I made the mistake, however, of wearing a skirt, but seeing as I'm still alive and actually was not too freezing with my tights on, I wouldn't even call it a mistake as much as a minor oversight. There were SO many heads of unwashed/cool/sideswept/shaggy hair, pairs of European-looking leather boots, leather jackets, and novelty sunglasses. One of the guys I was around said "Funny how when all the people who are different get together, they all look the same....". That statement made me laugh. He was right for the most part. There definitely was a type of person that was repeated over and over again. Fortunately, it's an interesting type, so I enjoyed watching the scores of walking Urban Outfitters advertisements. :)  I am DEFINITELY going to come next year, mainly just to take it all in. I'd love to do a video journal of the weekend. Watch out, SXSW 2011!

I finally got home, steamrolled, at 6 this morning. It was snowing like Minnesota on the road for the last leg of the drive, which I still feel like was a dream, because come on; it's Texas. I am grateful the driver I rode with was on his feet and able to stay awake and go with the flow. What an experience! Austin, as expected, continues to be the love of my life, Texan city-wise.

Due to the crazy (but wonderful) visit, however, and my week of sloth-like enjoyment, I'm now hurrying around like a headless bird trying to get things set for tomorrow, because I return back to school. I'm not ready, but the week of rest was definitely worth the few days of stress I'll have getting myself back in line. This summer is just around the bend, which quickens my pulse and makes the corners of my mouth turn up by themselves. I decided not to nanny, which is exciting, because that means I can go away somewhere if I want. Where would I go? I'll still be in my lease, so wherever I go will have to have free room and board, but that's not altogether too difficult to find for just a summer. So we'll see. I still want to work at least a little, but preferably doing something artsy or literary or relaxing. If you have any ideas, hit me up! In the mean time, I better get back to finishing my lesson plans. Oofta.

Here's to a lovely week of Springtime insanity!

Musical Moment: Cathedrals by Jump, Little Children (Thanks, Aaron!)
Literary Delight: 40 Stories, by Donald Barthelme
Foody Fare: Homemade vegetable and cheese quesadilla (monteray jack and cheddar cheese, green peppers, mushrooms, bean sprouts, and tomatoes on spinach vegetable tortillas with jalapeno ranch as dipping sauce)
What to Watch: 30 Rock
Enjoyed Place of Business: Home Slice Pizza in Austin
Lesson: Even if the opportunity at hand seems a bit odd or risky (within reason of course), take it if you know you're going to be smiling about it years later.

Day 3: Airports and Tacos

Today, again, left something to be desired on the scale of hustle and bustle, but I figured this will be my last weekday I can get away with being sloth-like, probably until Summer. I brought Kristen to the airport and then made fish tacos with my friend Caleb in my little kitchen. They turned out delectably and brought further attention to the fact I need a camera, so I can document (visually) occasions such as this. Anybody have a camera sitting around that they don't want?

Just kidding. No one waltzes around giving away perfectly good cameras.

Anyway, I used more cilantro for dinner and I'm afraid I should probably leave that poor plant alone for awhile and let it regrow itself back to normal capacity. The only plant I'm actually worried about, though, is my lettuce. It hasn't been looking so good since I put it in the handsome black pot by the window, maybe because I separated the sections. Transplanting plants reminds me of when organs are transplanted in humans; it's suspenseful waiting to see if the body (in this case, the dirt) will accept the new "organ" (plant).

Yet another reason I need a camera. We'll see.

In the mean time, I'm glad tomorrow's Saturday. :)

Day 2: More dirt. Non-day.

Today I finally filled up the pots with the dirt and let the plants stretch their roots a bit. I hope they are happy in their new homes! I suppose the truth will come to pass soon. So far, I've already used the chives, oregano, cilantro, and basil in my cooking, and it's only been a few days! I love it.
The reason why I didn't put the dirt into the pots last night as planned was because I had a harrowing experience at Wal-mart and ended up having to gallivant across a couple highways to a different location that ended up being a "neighborhood market", which I think is useless because the only reason I make those rare and despised treks to Wal-mart in the first place is because it's more than a grocery store. So, in the end, I didn't get the spray-paint to glaze my pots or the screws/nails to put up pictures (the fancy Wal-mart didn't have either items).
Nothing was actually harrowing, if I sit here and think about what harrowing actually means. However, this Wal-Mart was the type I dread, the kind that is dirty, horribly crowded, over-picked, with employees that look at me with a kind of empty apathy that makes me wonder if their brains disintegrated shortly after their last lunch break due to the over exposure to fluorescent lighting, and has racks of merchandise locked up in shoddy plastic cases for one reason or another. I was in a never-ending line, and I more or less had a miniature panic attack, because the thought of standing in line for 40 minutes surrounded by all races and generations (yes, all of them were accounted for; idiots of every color and age) of people I wish/hope would stop reproducing made a big sign go off in my head that flashed in neon red letters "GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN! YOU CAN JUST BUY THIS STUFF SOMEWHERE ELSE TOMORROW!!". So I did. I was a bad customer and left my cart in the Miley Cyrus clothing section and speed-walked as fast as humanly possible out the door. In the end I decided spray painting my pots was probably a bad idea anyway. Everything happens for a reason.

Disclaimer: Some Wal-Marts are nice with clean, wide aisles, smiling employees and enough room for all types of people to stand in shorter lines and get their items scanned with ease.  This just was not one of them.

Musical Moment: Omgcd by The Low Anthem
Literary Delight: In Style Magazine
Foody Fare: Homemade Italian tomato soup with grilled two-cheese avocado sandwich
What to Watch: Arrested Development
Enjoyed Place of Business: Not Wal-Mart
Lesson: The only bad thing about living in the city is the lack of superstores nearby. Ha!  

Day 1: Colors, Plants, Dirt

I've just painted 6 pots for my plants to live in on the windowsill of my apartment living room: Lime green, dark fuchsia, midnight blue, cream, jungle green, and pale pale blue. Two more pots (a huge round one and a long skinny rectangular one) will be spray painted once I go to the store and pick out the colors. I bought a myriad of random plates from Goodwill to go underneath. One is a fish with lime slices and cilantro sprigs on it, one has obnoxious yellow and pink flowers with blurry leaves, one is a simple saucer with teal and blue stripes around it, for a few examples. I've not had so much fun browsing in a long time!
I will be transplanting crispy lettuce, cilantro, garlic chives, basil, Italian oregano, bell pepper, tomato, lemon verbana, cucumber and strawberry plants once the paint is all dry. EXCITING!
While I was painting, I watched Julie and Julia for the second time. It's incredibly inspiring to me and makes me want to read both books (Julie and Julia and Mastering the Art of French Cooking). I also must start cooking more! We are not gerbils or robots, we are living, breathing, art making humans! Which means, let's not go through each day in a trance, but enjoy and make something good every day, even if it's something as simple as a little note, a salad, or a smile.


Musical Moment: "Lazurus" by Porcupine Tree
Literary Delight: House of Flowers by Truman Capote
Foody Fare: Pei Wei Sweet & Sour Chicken with Purple Haze beer
What to Watch: Julie and Julia film
Enjoyed Place of Business: Goodwill, Lowes
Lesson: 9 times out of 10, old interesting things are better than new mass-produced ones.